After Al and I made it back from McDonald’s , we went inside our friend Donny’s place , to eat our food and decompress. I was literally still in shock at almost being run into a building by the front end of a police car. The driver was a policeman who I had seen off duty at a Satanic Ritual in the Ross Bay Cemetery. This Cemetery had become famous after the book,” Michelle Remembers”. I have actually met Michelle , at the Youth Detention Center on Pembroke Street. She came into the center as a guest from a religious person who worked there , doing arts and crafts with the convicts.. Instead of becoming religious , I decided to see what it was like to be on the other side. I became interested in Satanism. It was not difficult to find people inside the jail who was willing to open my eyes into this world.

I was very curious and embraced the teachings , taught to me , from my teacher. As I became introduced to becoming a Satanist I was told to train myself to go into a semi hypnotic state. A form of meditation. While in this state I was to open myself to the dark side and embrace Satan. Ask to be allowed to face my first demon. Part of me doubted that this would manifest anything. I confronted my teacher and he assured me I would have to completely allow this demon to confront me. He told me I would need to focus all of my thoughts on allowing this demon to come forward , into me. I would know when the demon was present and at that point I would need to take control over this demon or else the demon would take control of me. If I lost this mental test of wills with this demon , I would lose control over my will and this demon would be controlling me. I was having a hard time believing this but since I had studied and known of very odd or bizarre situations the church needed to be called in to resolve , I realized this could be the cause of why the church was needed.

I made several attempts to allow this entity to confront me but did not have the sincerity that was needed. I was told if I successfully fought or went through six demons , then on the seventh confrontation , I would meet one of Satan’s three Minions and could ask for anything I wanted but would have to give up my soul in return. This sounded like a joke but what could really go wrong in confronting this first demon ? So I went back to my cell and prepared to meet my first demon. There was was no transformation or enlightenment inside me . I started to doubt whether this was something I could not do. My teacher told me I had to take this serious and open myself and embrace the entity to appear. To challenge this Demon to show itself.

I tried during each lockdown and made serious attempts to enter a state of peace and calm so this Demon would feel my fear so it could show itself to overpower me. As I pushed myself into a deep state of being , I felt a recession of my consciousness and the awareness of my surroundings diminished , almost completely. It was at this moment I felt an awareness of something around me .To try and explain how this happened or what it was like would be very difficult. It is like reality drifts away and you are aware you have entered another plane of existence , I knew there was something contacting or connecting with me . It did not have control over me but I was acutely aware of it’s presence. I was lost down a dark hole inside of myself and was both scared and angry at the same time. Fear was not an option , although I knew I was in contact with something not from our natural plane of existence.

I remembered to take control over this thing or demon before he took control over me. This was not a game or a joke anymore but a serious fight for my freedom. I tried to let this entity know that he was not in charge and I was not going to be manipulated by this demon. It was a battle of wills going on inside myself and even though I tried to just open my eyes , that did not seem to be an option. I struggled to control the situation and managed to win the test of wills. When I opened my eyes the door of my cell was already unlocked. I do not remember hearing it unlock but was glad to be back in reality. I knew I was in a half hour lock down but had no real sense of time. I was shocked at what I just went through and found it hard to put what transpired into words. Something I did not think was real or even possible actually happened. I realized if this was actually true , then I had to believe the stories I had heard and read about must have a seed of truth to them.

I was raised by religious people but never really taught why they believe so blindly. That part never made any real sense to me. I have learned over the years that most stories you hear about have at least some truth in them. Not that stories are sugar coated for children but adults do not want to expose their kids to the true hardship life can hand out. So I guess they are hiding the gory parts to save their children from nightmares or traumatizing them so they are not scared to go outside and face the day. I wish parents had a hand book to help them learn at what ages they should stop treating their children like kids and start talking to them like they were adults.

At that moment I remember thinking if this was real , I definitely did not want to give up my soul , no matter what I was able to obtain for it ! I was not really sure if I had fought and beat this demon or not. I also remember that something I could not explain had just happened. I was overwhelmed at the entire situation. I could not explain what happened inside me but I knew I was a changed person. I no longer doubted that there were different sides of religious beliefs. Whether there is a heaven or hell , I can not answer but I do know there are different planes of existence. The way the cop tried to run me into a building was unnatural and what forces that were in effect or at play , I can not say. All I can say for sure is I was glad to be away from him and the police in general. My life was still in my hands but I seemed to of crossed a threshold I could not ignore. I did not know how serious the implications of this cop trying to run me down were but was put on notice to be aware of my surroundings. At least that is how I felt.

How do you bridge a gap you are barely aware of ? I decided to stay high on drugs and vent my frustrations and anger out on other people. Al and I decided not to stay at that apartment any longer so we went to a girl’s place to lay low for a few days. We drank a lot of booze and injected cocaine at our leisure. We still sold to certain people which enabled us to rescore. The hard alcohol was taking it’s toll on us and we made up our mind to take revenge on a person who sexually assaulted a girlfriend of Al’s. There was a guy who was a sort of boyfriend to the girl we were staying with , who was willing to drive for us. We did not have an abundance of trust in him but had limited options , so we just took advantage of the situation. To be honest , I knew my mind was spinning and I felt that I had no real context of my situation. I embraced escaping reality by using drugs. It was my form of coping with issues I did not fully comprehend.

Al and I felt we should use some kind of masks to cover our faces so we told the girl to give us a pair of stockings that she had. She told us the only ones she had , she was wearing. We told her we did not care and told her to take them off. She did as she was told and I pulled out a knife to cut them in half. I gave Al one of the stockings and placed the other one over my head to make sure I could see. I was not prepared for the overwhelming smell of the stockings. They had the smell of an infected crotch ! It was one of the worst smells I had encountered in my young life. Even though I had already seen a beaten corpse , the smell of the stockings was more overwhelming. Since I was more than half drunk I was able not to throw up into these stockings.

For some understandable reasons we took them off and demanded she wash them in a sink with dish soap. Al and this lady’s boyfriend decided while we wait we should carve crosses into each other’s shoulders. Neither of the men were willing to back down from carving the other up but there was the question of who was going first. I noticed the testosterone was getting pretty high between the boys so I volunteered they could do me first. This only prompted them to do each other at the same time. I tried to make sure the girl was doing her job. Even though they were cleaned, the smell was still pretty powerful. It was better than before though ! As the boys were carving each other , with a simple cross on the cap of the other person’s shoulder , I did another injection of cocaine. We were doing a shot every 10 – 15 minutes. I gave the girl a shot of dope for doing the job of washing her stockings.

Al and I had control over the drugs which put us in a position of control over the other two , if they were interested in staying high. Which they were. After the boys had carved a standard cross into each other’s arm , I told them I wanted to be included. Al said he would take care of cutting a cross into my shoulder. After the crosses were cut and we all got high again. We then took the blade which we had used on each other to go punish this sick and twisted rapist. It was also the biggest blade in the apartment . With the masks and went down to the street to get into the car. As we drove past the Motel were Al’s girlfriend was raped , we discussed alternate places we could rob after we took care of this piece of shit rapist. While the owner of the car drove , Al and I were realizing the sun was just starting to come up. We left the girl back at the boyfriend’s apartment. If it came down to a battle or fight we did not need to be carrying around dead weight with us. Plus we did not need another witness that we may need to put down if we ended up killing someone.

Both Al and I knew if it got to that point , where someone was killed , we would probably be best to make sure this driver did not live through the ordeal. People in this trade of living on the wrong side of the law know when a person is able to be trusted and only a test of time will reveal if your right or wrong. But when it comes to trusting strangers with your life , it is best not to take your chances. Unless they are the ones helping you dealing with the crime. I guess what I am saying is unless these other people are fully involved with the crime , it is best they witness nothing. Since they could write a statement against you , they have enough information to place you at specific places at specific times which can lead to a conviction. There is a lot to contemplate as well as deductions , when you are committing acts of violence against other people. Never mind that your brain is usually heavily medicated on a variety of drugs.

Any way you look at it , you are risking a long time in jail when committing acts of violence against other people. The risks you are taking are very serious and the people who are involved with any aspects of the crime , need to be 100 % trustworthy to not talk or work with the police. Even though we were going to take out a person who had raped a girl we could not be positive this boyfriend would keep his mouth closed. We were drunk and did not have a lot of alternatives at 4:30 in the morning. So we went with the hopes of everything working out ok. Looking back it was a dumb decision but this is what happened.

The three of us left James Bay and drove towards the Gorge Hotel were this man worked. Al and I decided to tell our driver to park about a block away from where we were going and told him to wait for us to come running down the road , past him and to come pick us up. He understood and stayed where he would be inconspicuous , until he saw us running down the road. Al and I jumped out of the vehicle and quickly made our way up to the front of the Hotel/Motel.

We placed the stockings over our heads and approached the front door. Al placed his shoulder hard against the door close to the doorknob. As he pushed with all his might I took a couple quick steps and with all the energy I could muster , I kicked right beside the door handle , hoping to break the connection where the handle joined with the door jam. As soon as my foot connected with the door it felt as though I shattered my ankle. I didn’t but it sure hurt ! The door itself did not move at all. I jumped up off the ground and braced the door so Al could try kicking it in. As I leaned with all the energy I could muster , Al tried to kick the door in. Again nothing happened. We were both in shock at the strength of this door. With a large butcher’s knife in my hand I made a last attempt to break the window with the blade of the knife. It was not glass but instead it was plexiglass and the knife just bounced off of the window. I was lucky not to cut myself.

With the amount of noise we had been making , the people inside the door where not interested to see what all the noise was about. They did poke there head out of the inside door though. I remember seeing the shock and surprise on their face and watched as the door closed quicker than it had opened. I knew this person was running to call the police. Al and I looked at each other and knew we had to leave before the police showed up. As we ran down the road a bus thought we were running towards the bus stop and I remember the bus doors opening just as I was running past the bus stop. I still had the stocking over my head and wondered what the bus driver must of thought as he saw me run past the open bus door.

As we both kept running and the bus drove away our driver pulled up by the side of the road and we both jumped in , to make our escape. The pure rage and frustration of knowing we failed to get revenge against this man that raped and fully took advantage of an innocent girl. Simply because she had overslept in the Motel room that he happened to be the day Manager of , on that particular day. Instead of waking her up and telling her to have a shower and leave , or pay for another day , he decided since she was already naked and the door was half open , he figured he would allow himself in and half sex with this obviously passed out girl. Only this girl woke up as he was coming and screamed at him to get off of her.

He was not going to lose control over this situation and stated that it would be a matter of her word over his. Since there were plenty of used syringes and condoms in this room from the past couple of days , it was not going to be difficult to convince the police the girl tried to use sex as a way of trying to keep the room for another day or two. After he said no she could not keep the room , even though they had consensual sex , she was now trying to play the rape card because he was not going to let this obvious prostitute stay in this Motel unless she had money to pay for it ! With the embarrassment of the entire situation and feeling very small with no obvious recourse at her disposal she meekly left the Motel after gathering whatever possessions she could find. She left with the powerful taste of vengeance on her mind.

She knew the man she was very close to , at that moment in her life , would have no problem dealing with this type of person. Her only fear was if he would go too far and end up in jail and that was the only real issue in telling Al at all. She also knew his good friend at the time would also insist in helping Al , to make sure it was well planned and they would get away with this payback ! So this rapist who thought he was so smart and untouchable would feel the wrath of the woman he took advantage of. She knew once she let Al know what had happened to her , it would only be a matter of time before she got some payback on this asshole of a human being !

So as Al and I were running away from the Motel/Hotel , there was a lot of pent up anger knowing we had let this girl down. There was also the personal embarrassment of not knowing what we were really up against , with regards to how tough that door was to bring down ! All we really did was embarrass ourselves. It was doubly embarrassing watching the bus slow down for us to jump on but as soon as the bus driver saw the big knife in my hand and our faces covered in stockings , he closed the doors and kept moving even faster seeing the situation for what it was. I have to admit in the moment it gave me a moment to pause and laugh at the bus driver’s perspective. I could almost read his thoughts , thinking ” WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THAT ABOUT !! ” . What a way to start the day !

I’m sure he had everyone’s attention at coffee break , later in the day. Either way Al an I were happy to not be running anymore and back inside the car. We were both extremely mad and wanting to get back to the apartment as soon as possible but we wanted to grab some money or booze from somewhere first. We drove down the Gorge Road until we were almost at Douglas street. We pulled into a big open parking lot and started to think of our options for a place to rob before we went back , to the apartment.

There were Cab Driver’s in the parking lot with us and suddenly Al and I realized we still had our stockings over our heads ! I took the knife and stashed it under the front seat inside the springs. It was not easy to get it into that small area but it stayed , which made me feel content. At least it was not on the floor under the seat. Someone would have to make a serious effort to find it. I knew there was at least three different blood stains on that knife , from us cutting crosses into each other. I felt it rested on my shoulders to make sure the knife would not be easy to find.

We were all in agreement that even though we did not make any money , it was time to go into hiding. If that was even a possibility. There was the guy at the Motel who had probably called the police. Then there was the bus driver seeing a virtual horror story unfolding in front of his eyes and then there was all those cab drivers with there CB radios. Any or all of them could of pointed out the car we were in so the odds were pretty good that we were going to be pulled over before we made it into James Bay.

All of us decided to try and get back to the apartment in James Bay and figure out our next move from there. As we drove down the main road ( Douglas Street ) we could see undercover cars playing position on us , to make sure any and all escape routes were blocked off , so we could not evade the police when they tried tp pull us over. Even though no action had been taken against us , there was no doubt to Al or I we were being trapped , so the police could arrest us. There really is no scarier situation when you know you are about to be arrested and you are trapped in a car. Or any vehicle for that matter ! It is only a matter if you are willing to put yours and other people’s lives at risk , to try and get away. The amount of thoughts that float through a person’s mind during these moments of reflection are not only indescribable but uncountable , as well.

All the remorse of letting yourself being placed in this position in the first place. The regret of allowing your decisions making to be clouded because of the drug and alcohol use ! The fact that there are multiple people who have been affected by these actions you have clearly not thought out properly. The embarrassment of letting down the girl who was raped and taken advantage of. Knowledge you have just put yourself behind bars for an undetermined amount of time. Worst of all is the knowledge I have let myself down and put myself in on the sidelines , since I am sitting behind bars.

Needless to say , within seconds of spotting the undercover police cars , the marked police cars threw on their lights and rapidly closed in on our vehicle. We were blocked in off the road of Douglas Street in front of City Hall. We were told to get out of the vehicle one at a time and hand cuffed. As we laid spread eagle in the front of city hall , I could not help but to see the see the ironic situation before me. Laying face down and being arrested in front of City Hall . It did not make things less bearable but the loss of irony did not escape me. It was at that time in my life , I knew I had pushed my luck too hard . I knew I was going to jail and was not going to be released on any kind of bail. My future was repeating my past and knew there needed to be some change. Al and the driver were released on bail.

To be continued. . . .