With the first crime I was thrown in jail for I recognized the adult who helped me , received 6 years for his part. I , being a first time youth , got 4 months inside. A far cry from the penalty handed down to my accomplice. It made me realize that hurting people came with a harsh punishment. I was glad not to of received a larger sentence. It made me understand very clearly that every crime that a person does , if you get caught , there will be a price to pay. I became aware of the opposite side of the coin , when doing crime. I had never really given that serious thought before. Trevor and his friends did not ever seem to care or discuss what may happen if they were caught doing the crimes they did. Maybe internally but never even brought up the subject , when getting me to do crime. If your successful then you may reap a profit but there is also the chance you will not get away with it. So if you understand the pros and cons of doing any crime , you are committing yourself to doing a certain amount of time in jail if unsuccessful.

The second time I did time I tried to escape and broke my back. After I was released I stayed in my fitted back brace for a little under a year. I was supposed to of been wearing it for at least a year but I felt ridiculous so I got rid of it. I was sore all the time but did not want the looks of sympathy I received. I had not stayed free very long and found myself back inside. I spent most of that time letting my back rest and doing lots of sit-ups. I was told I had compressed my Thoracic Vertebrae 4 , 5and 6. I was left with a calcium buildup protecting my spinal cord. These Vertebrae directly control your stomach.

I had also been told how lucky I was to of broken that part of my back. Another two inches up and I would of been a quadriplegic , two inches lower would of made me a paraplegic. I did not feel lucky but those words hit home and I was grateful. After serving my 3rd or 4th sentence I was 16 and not far away from turning 17. I did not want to be on the street again so I went to my grandmother’s house to see if I could stay there. I was not opened with welcoming arms but they agreed to take me in temporarily. I had a half brother who had lived here his entire life. I had met him a few years earlier and thought I would try mending bridges between us.

The house was extremely run down and was dominated by the 16-20 cats that also lived there. It is sad my grandmother lost her husband when I was around 4 years old. He took care of the house and property but after his death , the house slowly started to become run down. Grandma , my Uncle Bill and my half brother did not have enough intelligence between the three of them to stay on top of simple chores , never mind the general maintenance a house needs. I know that is a little unfair to state but the cats took over the house. The urine smell was so strong you immediately covered your nose when you entered the house. After a couple days of sleeping on my brothers floor I became desensitized to the urine smell. It was not as though they did not clean at all but between the hoarding and the amount of cats , it was difficult to stay on top of everything.

My brother and I did not even know about each other until he turned 16. His grandmother explained that the person he had thought was his older sister was really his mom. The people who he thought were his mom and brother were in fact his Uncle and his Grandma. How is that for blowing a person’s mind ! He thought my sister and I were his nephews. So upon hearing this , he hunted me down to share the news. He popped out from behind a tree while I was heading home after school. I was 11 and he told me that he had just found out that he had been lied to for his entire life. He just found out that I am his brother!

I was not convinced and even at that young an age , made him answer a lot of questions before I was even willing to accept the fact he may be telling me the truth. I was left more than a little confused as to why he was telling me. He told me that since our mom had not shared the truth with anyone , then maybe their are more lies that I do not even know about. So he thought it would be a good idea for us to run away together. He promised to take care of me and said he would never lie to me. Unlike our mom and the people who raised him. I knew I was feeling out of place in my home and this did not sound like the craziest plan. So after asking what we would do if we left , I readily agreed. Part of me was interested in an adventure and I really did not put a lot of thought into how bad this could turn out.

I do not want to share my brother’s name because of all the trauma surrounding him. His plan was to leave the Island and go over the border to the United States. He said we can easily find work down there and rent is super cheap. Between the two of us we can easily make a good life for ourselves. At the age of 11 and no life experience on my own , I was gullible and easily manipulated into following my older brother. I think part of me was in shock from the news he gave me and with the uncomfortable feelings I felt , being at home , it is not a surprise I was easily lead. He also stated he had enough money to get both of us to Vancouver and we would just thumb a ride , ( hitch hiking ) over the border.

I had no idea how much money he had or the answers to a lot of different questions , I should of asked. Like I already stated , I was eleven ! I trusted what this stranger was stating and this was my first experience in trusting someone I did not know. We made it across the ferry and took a bus into Vancouver. I had no idea how we were supposed to find the border and placed my life into my brothers hands. As night started to fall we both started to get a little confused with where we were and how we were supposed to get to the border. My brother stuck out his thumb trying to get us a ride. We did not see many vehicles and every few minutes a single vehicle would cruise right past us.

Finally a vehicle stopped to enquire where we were going. My brother did all the talking. He said we had gotten lost trying to get to the border and asked the man driving for directions. The driver said we were a long way off from the border. He then asked us if we had a place to go for the night since it was getting late. My brother said no and I felt the oddest feeling like something was wrong. I kept my mouth shut and let my older brother deal with this man. The driver asked us if he could take us to a burger place just a little drive away and he would buy us something to eat. He said at least we’ll be warm and inside since it was starting to get a little cold and windy outside. He also said it is supposed to start raining.

I had never really felt an all encompassing fear before but I did not feel good getting in the car with this man. He was alone and there was something that was not adding up in my mind as to why this man would be helping us. I did not have any experience to weigh this moment against , so I just followed my older brother’s lead. He said that would be awesome and told me to jump in the back seat. We drove to an always open burger place and grabbed take out. My brother and the driver had come to an agreement to let us sleep at his house. He said he lived alone and had no problem helping us out but it is only for one night.

We ate our food as we drove to this man’s house. When we got to his house it was a three story , run down older place. Once inside he showed us up a narrow staircase were it opened up to a room with two single beds. He let us know we could stay here until the next day. He left us upstairs alone and went back down the stairs. My brother and I were both shocked and surprised when we heard the door downstairs close and get locked. We looked at each other and wondered what the hell was happening. My brother went downstairs to see if the door was actually locked. Also to find out if we had just put ourselves into a bad situation.

My brother came back up the stairs and filled me in on what was happening. He said the driver was keeping us here until one of us pleased him sexually. If one of us were not willing to do this , one of us was getting hurt. I had no real reason to believe my brother was lying and I felt a knot starting to tighten in my guts. My brother then told me he was willing to give us some money and drive us to the bus depot the next day. As long as someone went downstairs to please this guy. My brother suggested that I should do this because I was younger than him. How that makes any sense is beyond me. I was so baffled and confused I did not know what to think. My brother asked me to go downstairs to talk with the guy to find out what he wanted.

The last thing I wanted to do was talk to this person who just threatened us. I could not understand how my brother could suggest I should do this because I am younger. This was supposed to be my older brother who is going to take care of me. Obviously that is not how life works out for everyone. I was not going to be doing anything with this guy downstairs. I did agree to go down and talk with the guy so my brother could try and think of a plan to escape. I suggested that I go talk with him and then my brother could jump him from behind. He again suggested I just talk to the guy to figure out what he wants and we’ll go from there. I was so mad at my brother , that he would not protect me so I did not have to deal with this man. I went down the stairs and asked if I could use the bathroom.

The man came over to the door and unlocked it. He showed me were the bathroom was and asked me to come sit down at the table to talk to him , when I was done. I looked through the bathroom if I could see anything I could use as a weapon. I was terrified to come out of the bathroom. Even though this man did not seem odd or aggressive , I could not help but think I was in a bad situation. I had never felt adrenaline rushing through my body before. I wanted to calm myself down but it was an act of futility. I came out of the bathroom depressed and more than a little scared. The man must of noticed I was scared. He told me there was nothing to be worried about , he was not going to hurt me. I flashed back on my dad saying it okay , just before I was to receive a spanking. There was a very low threshold of trust I was going to give this man.

If my brother was not going to save me from whatever was supposed to happen , I had limited options but to tell this man I was not willing to do whatever he wanted. I felt if I was honest he was going to follow through on his threat. I sat across from this predator and watched as he tried to machine roll a cigarette. My mouth was extremely dry as I sat in silence. I asked if I could get a drink of water. He replied yes and that I could find a cup in the drying rack. I walked behind him into the kitchen. He cursed as he was unable to properly fill the cigarette tube with tobacco. The tube had broken so he made the effort to reroll the smoke.

I walked to the sink and noticed his back was to me and I turned the water on. I could tell the man was paying all of his attention on rerolling his smoke. I also noticed a cast iron frying pan at the end of the counter. Directly behind were he was seated. I made the motion towards the frying pan and as I reached for the handle , I almost pushed it off the end of the counter. Terror ripped through me as I flashed on the thought of being caught in the action of grabbing this weapon. I was able to stop it from falling and now held the frying pan in my hand. It felt so heavy and I was already regretting what my body was preparing to do. I felt like there was no other good choice to make.

Just as I had a good grip the man asked me if everything was ok ? I realized the water was still running but I let it run and started an upward motion. I involuntarily said the word ,’ ya’ , as calmly as possible. I focused all my attention to the back of his head. I do not believe I needed a lot of strength but I remember from baseball practice , as long as you stay committed to hitting the ball with your bat , the momentum will supply the power. I came down upon the back of his head with as much force as I could muster. His body slumped forward , shooting the table up and forward. It landed on it’s side and his body continued towards the ground.

I was shocked at the sequence of events but was worried the man would get up and attack me. I walked a step forward prepared to hit him again. As I moved forward I raised the frying pan. My brother was suddenly behind me telling me to stop. I admit at the time I was scared to stop. My brother told me to put the pan down , as he went for the man’s pockets. I was confused as far as what I was supposed to do now. My brother grabbed the money and keys from the man and started to go to the front door. I continued to stand over the man prepared to hit him again if he tried to move. My brother softly yelled to me to come with him so we can get out of here , before he wakes up.

I suddenly realized what I had just done and felt a little sick in my stomach. I felt remorse but was also proud this situation was over. I also was mad at my brother for making me do something I did not want to do. He was supposed to be protecting me. Instead he wanted me to have some kind of sex with this man , so we would have some money in our pockets. He had put pressure on me to do what this man wanted. He said because I was younger I would be able to get over it easier. I was not able to process what had happened and was happy we were out of this house.

We got into the man’s car and drove until we were a few miles away from his house. We then got out of the car and walked for awhile , until we came upon a truck stop we had not been at , earlier in the night. There were moving trucks and big eighteen wheelers at and around this place. My brother went to one of the moving trucks and opened the back door. It was a simple latch with no lock. He was not happy with the first one he opened , so it was closed and we tried a different truck. Inside the back of this truck there were 10 or 20 blankets , used for moving furniture. He was content with these blankets and we used them to make ourselves beds. I realized the first truck did not have any blankets. Now we had make shift beds with blankets and pillows.

It was still a little cold but it was a lot safer than being inside that house. I tried asking my brother why he did not come and help me with that man. He confidently told me he was watching everything and if I needed help he would of been there. Personally I think he was trying to talk his way out of why he did not do anything. He left me to be fucked or sucked by this predator and was too weak of a person to deal with the man himself. He was surprised that I thought to do what I did. I told him it should not of been left for me to do that , he was my older brother by 5 years and he should of taken care of me. I was mad at myself , my brother and this perverted man who was pretending to help us.

I honestly woke up the next day and was grateful not to think about last night again. We were still on a mission to get down to the U.S. and start a new life. I did not want to think about going back home to Victoria. I seem to of gotten spankings for anything my dad thought was wrong in his mind. I had no idea of what kind of punishment would come my way if I was caught running away again. So we went into the diner and got something to eat. We also obtained the best route to get to the closest border crossing.

When we got within a mile of the border we started to try and get a ride from hitch hiking. A couple in a car picked us up and asked us what we were doing. My brother said we had run away from down in Washington State. We had jumped in the back of a big open truck and made it through the border. Now we were full of regret and wanted to go back home but neither of us had a passport or any I.D. on us. We asked if they would be good enough to pretend they were our parents and get us back home. Surprisingly they agreed. We drove down to the border and seemed to of been passed through with no problems.

Once on the other side of the border these people pulled over after driving a half mile down the road. They said this is as far as we are willing to take you. They told us we are over the border and that is all they agreed to do. We thanked them and got out of their car. We were not walking for more than a minute or two when a police car drove straight towards us and placed us under arrest. They drove us back to the border and placed us in individual cells. After a few hours of waiting the R.C.M.P. came to pick us up. We were told our parents are looking for us , they have been contacted and we are being driven back to Victoria.

We did not see each other again for a few years. During that time my parents divorced , I was shuffled between the two of them and finally left with a horror story of a man named Trevor. After committing numerous crimes , breaking my back and serving a couple more small sentences , I reached out to my half brother and my Grandma to see if I could live with them , instead of living on the streets.

It should seem obvious to anyone reading this , there are many different ways a person could interpret the sequence of events my brother and I went through. No matter what the truth is , I was glad to no longer be under his spell and very fortunate to of gotten out of that house with my virginity in tack. It was a bitter pill to swallow. The person who told me he would take care of me , tried to pimp me out to someone for a bit of money. He was not the only person surprised with how that situation turned around. I surprised myself , finding out fear enables a person to do things they never thought they would ever do. I realized when I get boxed into a corner , I can come out of my comfort zone and do some surprising things to escape from a reality I want nothing to do with. I am also pretty sure I am not the only person who will do whatever needs to be done to escape from a bad situation.